Bosco was a communist

How can we tell truths that will hurt people? How can we break down the walls of mis-belief in people’s lives?
The simple answer is that you need to confront the problem head on.

Here is one such problem, that scarred a generation of Irish people… Bosco, the lovable ginger rogue, was – in fact – a communist. How can this be, I hear you ask.

1) Bosco had a state job

I should not need to point out that all state jobs are a breeding ground of communistic tendencies. A body as heavily incestuous and unionised as RTÉ, with it’s Marxist tendencies, confirms this fact.

2) Bosco lived in a state house

Like all good little communists, Comrade Bosco lived in a state made and supplied home – a Khrushchevki. Much like all houses made during the Era of Communism, the “house” is a sparsely decorated “box” with just enough room for his bed. The shoddy construction of this home, along with the style and facilities available heavily point to this fact.

3) Bosco spoke the state language

With the exception of trying to “get the grant”, being a Dublin 4 ponce called Sneachta, or are living out on some piss poor island off the west coast so you may molest Sheep and drink heavily, no one uses Irish as their primary language. The Irish Constitution states that Irish is the first language of it’s citizens, regardless of real world usage. This state enforcement of a dead, useless language also made it to Bosco. Everyone can remember Bosco talking Irish. The little fucker would often say “uafásach” or “Is maith liom”, warping a generation of Irish people into using a language that means absolutely nothing.

4) Bosco has ginger hair

It is well known that ALL ginger people are closet communists. This point needs no further explanation.

5) Bosco was “watched” by two people

Bosco, in the course of his duties, was always “watched” over by two other state employees. “Frank” and “Mary”, whose corporeal bodies would change frequently. They would tell Bosco what do do, spout out the State propaganda (see below) and constantly kept an eye over his every activity.

6) Bosco was a puppet

Both in the metaphorical and literal sense, Bosco was a puppet of the government controlled by another state employee for use by the state.

7) The Cold War

The latter part of the 1970’s to mid 1980’s was the height of the Cold War. It was also the height of Communism. As the world feared the threat of nuclear holocaust, Bosco made us fear Dublin Zoo.

8) Bosco spouted State Propaganda

Bosco’s job was to spout state propaganda and beliefs on the state TV Network (the ONLY TV Network) to the poor, innocent, Irish children.

9) Bosco used Soviet Era technology

The “Magic Door” was initially developed by the Soviets in an attempt to plant nuclear weapons into key targets beyond the Iron Curtain without the need for local communist cells. The technology only had a very short range (in terms of about 20 miles). With Ireland being the closest possible, Soviet friendly, point for a strike to the White House, the “Magic Door” was placed in Ireland. Alas, the range was still shit – even after pumping 1.21 JiggaWatts of power via Plutonium stolen from the Libyans into the door – and Bosco could only ever be transported as far as the (now defunct ) H.B Ice-cream factory.

10) Vanished after the fall of Communism

Bosco mysteriously disappeared a short time after the fall of Communism. Widespread media reports at the time suggested that Bosco was liberated, from the now Capitalist RTÉ studios, by students from UCD (who were, obviously, too thick to get into Trinity). Even today it is well known that UCD students support Stalinist tendencies and debriefed Bosco as to the status of the – now underground – Communist Politburo and his next mission.