Dear Santa

I’ve been a very good boy this year. Things have changed since we last spoke. I moved jobs and locations, so I hope you don’t try to visit me in Carlow – you may get stabbed again. I’m in Dublin now, on the rail line, in a nice commuter area that’s relatively bland apart from the occasional scumbag throwing stones at me, or turning cars into bonfires – but that’s usually on the other side of the train tracks.

I know that no one has any money, we’re all in that boat, but for Christmas I would really like the following. I’ve been practicing the accordion that you got me, last year, every day. However, I feel that I need some more songs and a bit more of a challenge to the musical genre.and


I know that the latter may be hard, considering how much Foster and Allen owe to the tax man, but they need all the help they can get over Christmas. There are rumors that poor auld Tony Allen was seen eating the remnants of a sandwich he found in a bin, last week.