Late yesterday evening a rather drunk and angry Gay Byrne declared in front of everyone at the RTE Christmas party that Dustin, the loveable Turkey from Den TV, was really a puppet. It all began, it seems, when Soky, Zuppy and that new bloke, whom we shall refer to as Ray, started slagging Dustin about being stuffed for Christmas. Uncle Gaybo overheard their conversation and attacked Ray shouting “Oh he’ll be stuffed alright. Stuffed with cotton and sawdust. That bastard is a feckin’ dummy.” After a shocked silence, Gaybo was dragged from Kielys of Donnybrook (where the pints are great and the craic is mighty) by, as Bosco described them, ‘Two Huge Hoors’. Mr Byrne could be heard shouting, “Look at the eejit with his hand up his arse for fuck’s sake”, as he left.
Mr. Byrne, of course, is no stranger to controversy. Only last year he was accused of molesting four of the Billy Barry Kids, backstage at the Toy Show. We tried to ask a close friend of Gaybo’s if this was the reason for his drunken outburst, but we couldn’t find any. An RTE Social Club barman, however, stated that Mr. Byrne had become increasingly aggressive since the allegations and could be found nearly every day sipping Vodka and Red Bull in the Club. He also stated that Gay became infuriated one day when Dustin interviewed one of the Billy Barry Kids on the Den. The child had broke down crying during the middle of the show. Gaybo had run from the pub before realising that the child was crying because he wasn’t allowed to sing ‘Tomorrow’ from Annie.
Uncle Gaybo has gone into seclusion but the reverberations of his comments can still be heard ringing around RTE. One man (or creature) who doesn’t seem unperturbed by Mr. Byrne’s accusations is Dustin himself. In fact the Turkey Vulture can be heard saying ‘Wah Wah Wah. That Gay Byrne is only Brooooooooootal anyway. Go on outta that yer only Man, a Batter Booooooooorger’.