RTÉ insiders leak Glenroe finale script

The amazing plot of the last episode of Glenroe has been revealed by RTÉ insiders. To mark the year of the series’ demise, writers have come up with an homage to the late Stanley Kubrick’s sci-fi epic 2001: A Space Odyssey. In true RTÉ style, no expense has been spared on effects and props to give the agri-soap the glitzy send off it deserves.

The show, due to be screened this Sunday night, opens with Blackie Connors beating his cousin Johnny Connors to death with the jaw bone of an ass after a dispute over ‘seven pound’. A shot of little birdies flying around Johnny’s head quickly cuts away to the Winning Streak wheel turning. Miley has found the wheel sticking up out of his freshly ploughed sugarbeet field, and is shocked when it emits an ear piercing sound (the Paul Cleary-penned theme from Winning Streak.)

In order to find out what this mysterious object is, Miley enlists the help of a strange camp computer called Sylvester 9000, last seen on our screens as the scorekeeper on Murphy’s Micro Quiz-M. But Sylvester goes mad and kills Blackie and Teasy and whoever else is left in the show, before Miley runs over the hard drive with the Massey. Miley is now stuck alone in Glenroe, and left with no other option, he dons Aonghus McAnally’s pied suit from his Anything Goes days, spins the wheel and goes home. But when he enters his house he is strangely transported to a magical psychedelic world.

But the RTÉ insider revealed that this was not the original ending. ‘The ending to the story line was for Miley to exhume Biddy’s corpse and reanimate her body using Red Bull and amyl nitrate, but something strange happenend during the shooting. ‘Mick Lally entered the kitchen set and really was magically transported elsewhere. It turned out that the old Magic Door from Bosco had been repainted and used as a door in Miley’s kitchen way back when Bosco’s show was cancelled. We heard this strange music and – whoosh – he was gone.’

Lally was found wandering traumatised in a nearby HB factory.